Heather on the Magnum

May 9, 2002

At Cedar Point near the close of Opening Day in 1992, a rider boarded the Magnum XL-200 hoping to take one last ride of the night. When the train returned to the station, her lap bar refused to unlock. Since it was close to closing time, and she didn't object to a few extra rides, Heather took a few more rides including a solo ride after park closing so that the train could be parked on the transfer table, where a mechanic could get underneath and release the lap bar mechanism.

tune: "The Ship that Never Returned"

With a nod to Steiner, Hawes, and Walter O'Brien...

Let me tell you all the story
Of a gal named Heather
On a fateful Opening Day
She took a trip to Cedar Point
With her friends and family
She took a ride on the Magnum's red train
On a lovely Sunday evening
Heather boarded Magnum
And she pulled down her safety bar
But when the ride was over
The lap bar release failed
Heather couldn't get out of that car!

But did she ever return?
No, she never returned!
And her fate is still unlearned
She may ride forever o'er the hills of Magnum
She's the gal who never returned

Now all day long
Heather rides on the Magnum
Wondering how this all came to be
While in the station Jerry Fleming
Known for breaking the coaster
Claims, "I swear this time it wasn't me!"
Heather's Mom goes down
To the Magnum station
Every day in mid afternoon
And from the exit platform
She hands Heather a corn-dog
As the train comes rumbling through!

As the ride rolled on
The other riders were cheering
And the guys with the tool-belts came
When they got there they used wrenches
Hammers, chisels and prybars
To get Heather released from that train

Or she might never return
No, she'd never return
And her fate would be unlearned
She may ride forever on the hills of Magnum
She's the gal who never returned!

You've never heard of this tune? That's okay, I hadn't either. What I had heard of was a song called "M. T. A", which was itself a song written for a political campaign, and which the Kingston Trio turned into a hit record in 1959.

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